I wrote this story in like an hour and i hate it

I laid face down in the mud, the ground running slick as the rain continued to pelt the ground and break up the ground, the dirt changing just like my life had when the dark lord Demerakzar the Heinously Diabolical destroyer of whole worlds and dimensions and stuff had decided to destroy my whole village specifically but accidentally spared me when he remembered he’d left the oven on and said that he had spent all the time he could to play with me.

So i just laid there wondering about all the things that had precisely gone wrong to bring me to this point in my life, like the time when i was eight years old and i tripped and face down in the grass and all the other kids of the incredibly generic fantasy village laughed at me.

“Yeah,” i said out loud to myself as i stood up from my prone position, “i should have seen this coming after that happened.”

“What happened here?” a mysterious person who i knew literally nothing about but immediately identified as a mentor like character from the subtle inflections in their voice that conveyed a feeling of wisdom and experience.

“Well it all started when i was born,” I replied, starting a flashback to before i was able to actually remember things, “i was born on a full moon when the wolves were howling and as my mother delivered me my father fought off the infinite legions of the damned and undead of thousands of years past, the one hundred percent evil forces of the Dark Lord Demerakzar the Heinously Diabolical Destroyer of whole worlds and dimensions and stuff just to show off how awesome and cool he was and by extension how cool i would be once i grew up despite immediately vanishing after that, leaving me and my mother alone so i could have a pointlessly tragic backstory and tragic it was, growing up i was relentlessly bullied by everyone specifically because of how i didn’t have a father, like the time when i got an answer wrong on a test despite getting everything else right they all beat me up including the adults so in order to make that never happen again i succeeded in every aspect of my schooling so they wouldn’t have any reason to bully me which allows this to be counted as character depth despite being justification for me being absurdly smart and knowledgeable in things that no kid would have access to in their young age and i also learned martial arts and trained my body so that i could take the beatings in the future but never to fight back since that would be hurting the people who just didn’t know any better about how my dad might have made a heroic sacrifice to lead the monsters away while my mother was able to shepherd me to safety, so i bore it even when they were laughing at me for foolish things like when i tripped or the time when i was twelve when i shed a single tear not for myself but for my mother and how hard it must be to raise me all alone without my father and one of the other kids in the class noticed and they interrupted the lesson just to laugh at me and then all the other people in the room joined in, it was only today when my mother was in the market buying food and someone made a snide comment about how hard it must be to not have her husband that i finally used my immense power to defend not myself because i knew i was strong enough to withstand such abuse but my mother who had immediately burst into tears because of them immense trauma that bringing up the fact her husband left, so i punched the offender and knocked them out in a single blow, this caused the entire village to come after me and try to kill me and i was about to be overwhelmed when the dark lord Demerakzar the Heinously Diabolical destroyer of whole worlds and dimensions and stuff magically appeared and slaughtered the whole village in one continuous blow with his mighty greatswordaxelancelongbow of soul rending but when he was gonna hit my mom i jumped in the way of his greatswordaxelancelongbow of soul rending to save my dearest mom who by this point you may have noticed does not have a name and i thought that this was the end but luckily the dark lord Demerakzar the Heinously Diabolical destroyer of whole worlds and dimensions and stuff’s greatswordaxelancelongbow of soul rending got caught between my ridiculously strong abs and the heroically sized sword my father had left me as an heirloom before he disappeared that i always wear at my side and it had come unsheathed just enough to block it and we locked our gazes in an intense stare that lasted for enough time for it to become uncomfortable to watch at which time he disappeared to go turn of his oven saying that this was all the time he could spare and leaving me alive and exhausted from the immense effort it took to block the dark lord Demerakzar the Heinously Diabolical destroyer of whole worlds and dimensions and stuff’s greatswordaxelancelongbow of soul rending, landing face down in the mud and laying there and looking back upon how my life had come to this very moment concluding outloud that yeah my life would have led up to this exact conclusion at which time a mysterious person who i knew literally nothing about but immediately identified as a mentor like character from the subtle inflections in their voice that conveyed a feeling of wisdom and experience asked me what happened here? and i replied that it had all started when i was born which started a flashback to before i was able to actually remember things.” i said in one single breath.

“Dude i didn’t ask for your life story i just wanted to know what happened here.” the wise voice who i had not bothered to look at during the entirety of my flashback responded.

Despite the voice who i still had not looked at's really downer reaction to my life's story i was comfortable knowing that even though i was leaving the result of my character arc unfinished it was up to the people observing me to extrapolate the end to my character arc and give me depth even though there was none, thus freeing my creator and the hands of fate from ever ending my story.